gabrielmessing (gabrielmessing) wrote in joel_n_matt,

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FIC: Illusions of Love : Chapter One

Pairings: Joel MaddenxMatt Lovato, Tony LovatoxJeremiah Rangel
Warnings: Swearing, violence.
Notes: Yeah, so this doesn't even attempt to echo reality. I've tweaked ages, appearances, the whole lot. But fanfiction is about creating the reality we want, not the reality that exists.
Disclaimer: These characters are real people but the story is purely a product of my over active imagination


by Gabriel

Pairings: Joel
MaddenxMatt Lovato, Tony LovatoxJeremiah Rangel
Swearing, violence.
Notes: Yeah, so this doesn't even
attempt to echo reality. I've tweaked ages, appearances, the whole
lot. But fanfiction is about creating the reality we want, not the
reality that exists. I apologize for the shitty formatting. New to this html thing and using a generic html program. Going to switch to good old .txt files from now on.
Disclaimer: These characters are real
people but the story is purely a product of my over active


//Friday, February

A heart wrenching,
fear filled scream filled the otherwise silent night. The street lamp
flickered, then died completely, casting the street into total
darkness. One indistinct, small figure burst out of the alley, into
the now darkened street. He wasn't screaming any longer, his fear had
reached the point where the only sound he could make were pained
gasps. “Don't run you little faggot!” He jerked at the
voice, and ran blindly down the street, stumbling and lurching as he
did. Moments later another figure emerged from the alley. This one
was larger, and moving calmly. He was in no rush. He was followed by
six others, all large and laughing amongst each other.

The smaller figure
stumbled and fell to his knees. The light from the next streetlamp
casting eerie shadows over his downbent head. “Please...

“ Fucking

The large figure was
upon his small prey. He reached down, grabbing a handful of soft
brown hair and jerking the boy's head back. “Please...” A
desperate plea. Kohl lined eyes stared up with absolute terror.

A dangerous smirk from
the large one, “That's right, ratface. Beg. Beg for your
miserable little life.”


//Monday, February

He couldn't really
remember being any other way. From the time of his first memories he
had felt the need to punish himself. He was messed up, wasn't he? His
existence was a burden. Being alive placed a burden on his family. An
extra burden they didn't need. But he had to be strong. He had to
make it up to them. So he put on his brave face. He could do it
himself. He could do everything himself. It wasn't the truth, but it
was a mask he wore well. His fingers shook as he leaned close to the
mirror and carefully traced the black eyeliner under his eyes. The
eyeliner was part of what he used to punish himself. The kids at
school picked on him. Called him a fag, a fucking emo freak... and
those were on a good day. Every insult hit his skin and he soaked
them in like dirt absorbed water. He needed to be reminded how
horrible he was. He needed to be punished for his existence.

“ Shit.” he
whispered. His hand was shaking so bad he had inadvertantly created a
crooked line of black under his left eye. He stared at his eyes in
the mirror a long moment, “fuckit,” he murmured putting
the eyeliner down and reaching up to run his hands through his hair.
A few quick run throughs and his hair was the perfect mixture of
messy and spiky. Just how he liked it. He was tempted to grab some
black lipstick one day and see how his classmates responded to that
but in the end... he was masochistic, not suicidal.

He glanced at the time
and swore under his breath, quickly pulling the sleeves of his shirt
down. He'd rolled them up so they wouldn't get in the way while he
applied the eyeliner. No way he was leaving the room with them rolled
up, though. Everyone would see then. They would see how he punished
himself and he preferred to keep his punishments private. No one
needed to know. He was the strong one. There wasn't anything wrong...
he was fine.

Just fine.

One last glance in the
mirror and he grabbed his bag and left the room.


“ You're really
hot.” Tony Lovato was the man with no shame, or at least this
is what Jeremiah had determined after four days of relentless

Jeremiah sighed
heavily, sliding into the seat behind his desk and placing his books
down. “Listen, Tony, I told you. I'm not interested. I have
enough shit to deal with. I don't need the stigma of 'gay boy' to
deal with.” he kept his voice a harsh whisper so no one would
overhear. Not that anyone would blame him. Tony was known as
flamboyantly gay. He was the only one in their school who got away
with it though. Because he was tough enough to beat the shit out of
anyone who dared tease him, and he had done. Several times. Jeremiah,
however, didn't have that luxury.

Tony grinned, hopping
up onto the desk in front of Jeremiah. “Hey, hey, you don't
have to be gay to go out with me. Just curious, or bi. I'm not

Unlike Jeremiah he
made no move to lower his voice and this was starting to piss
Jeremiah off. Quite a bit really. Why did he have to deal with this
shit? What had he done to deserve such an over amorous fan? “I'm
not fucking interested Tony! Fuck off!”

“ I'd prefer to
fuck on... you...”

“ TONY!”

Jeremiah was fairly
certain he could hear snickering from students nearby. He grit his
teeth. He couldn't get too worked up. 'Don't give him any reason to
continue, Jer. Don't egg him on.' So he tried to ignore Tony. Tony,
however, was not an easy man to ignore. Jeremiah's eyes focused on
his notebook, which he flipped open and began doodling in. He could
hear Tony's voice. Hear Tony teasing, and flirting with passing
students but he tried really hard to block it all out. He was
surprised at how good he was at blocking unwanted sounds out of his
head. It was a gift, maybe. To make up for the evil that was Tony.
'Is that it God? The ability to block out annoying sounds is your way
of helping me get through the evil that is Tony Lovato? You couldn't
just make him go away?'

“ Mr. Lovato!”

The silence ended.
Jeremiah looked up quickly. Mr. Slavinski, their teacher, had just
arrived and he stood in the front of the classroom, staring at Tony
with great annoyance.

Tony turned his head
slowly, grinning an easy grin. “Heya, teach.”

Jeremiah couldn't
imagine how Tony could be so relaxed. If it was him, he would have
been mortified.

“ Correct me if
I'm wrong, Mr. Lovato, but you are in Grade 11 are you not?”

“ Yeah.”

“ Then perhaps
you could explain why you are attempting to attend a Grade 10 English

Tony hesitated, then
chuckled and spread his arms wide, “I just missed you, Mr. S.”

“ Yes, well, the
feeling is not mutual. Please leave.”

Tony shrugged, “Sure,

He turned, leaning
into Jeremiah. Jeremiah leaned back, half afraid Tony was about to
kiss him or something equally as embarassing. Tony grinned, and for a
scary moment Jeremiah wondered if the bastard could read his
thoughts. “We're not done.”

“ Actually, we
are.” Jeremiah murmured as Tony stood and swayed to the door.
For some sick reason he couldn't take his eyes from those skinny

Tony turned at the
door, to blow a kiss at Mr. Slavinski before he left, leaving the
door half open behind him. Which obviously annoyed Slavinski who
moved immediately to shut it with a smart snap. “Right, let's
begin then shall we?”

'Thank you, God. I
knew you were real.' Jeremiah smiled, resting his head on his hand as
he turned his attention from Tony and his weirdness and onto the


“ Come on, Matt.
You have to. Come onnnn...”

His mask was firmly in
place. He was leaning casually against his locker, smirking at his
cousin. Tony was quite desperate to get closer to Jeremiah Rangel.
Personally Matt didn't really see the attraction. Jeremiah wasn't
ugly or anything but he certainly wasn't the pretty boy type that
Tony usually went after. “You know him, right? You two are in
the same grade. You have to know him?” Tony's voice was almost

Matt played it cool
but inside he knew he would help. He had to help. It was his purpose
in life to take care of his family. The family that he burdened. Tony
didn't know this though, and he wouldn't crack his mask to show him.
“I don't know. I mean, I've said hi to him a few times but it's
not as if I'm friends with him. And certainly not close enough to
invite him to date my cousin.”

Tony grinned, “That's
not what I want. I want you to ask him to a party. At your place. And
you'll just conviently invite me to. I'll wait until he's drunk and
then BAM! Little bitch is mine.”

Matt's eyebrow rose
slightly, “Little bitch?”

Tony shrugged, “Just
a saying. Invite him?”

“ What party?”

“ The party
you're going to throw, in honor of your cousin Tony who needs to get
laid.” Tony's grin was charming, it always was.

Matt chuckled, “Right.
Fine. Tony needs a fuck party. When?”

“ Friday, of
course.” Tony hopped from one foot to the other, then grabbed
Matt in a one armed hug, “Thanks bud! I knew I could count on

“ I do have ten
fingers and ten toes, so yeah, you can count on me.” Matt
responded dryly.

“ Funny, man,
funny. Fuck, I have class. Can't miss again or the dickwad is going
to toss me out on my ass.” Tony turned and hopped down the
hall, waving a hand, “See ya, cousin!”

Matt raised a hand,
waving once as Tony turned and broke into a run. His lips were still
tilted in a smirk he didn't feel. Great... a party. How would he
manage that without pissing off his mother? He reached up to run a
hand through his hair, glancing around at the students passing him
by. They didn't pay much attention to him. It was the jocks who
usually picked on him. Everybody else just followed along if someone
started it. Some people, although he wasn't sure how it happened,
thought he was cool. Of course they were usually outcasts themselves
so they could afford to think that. They had no status to lose if
they giggled and fawned at him.

Matt let out a heavy
sigh. “Hey Lovato.”

He stiffened,
recognizing the voice immediately. He turned his head slowly to watch
as Joel Madden approached. Joel was in Tony's year... he was Tony's
friend and he had never spoken to Matt unprompted before. “Hey
Madden.” The calm voice did not match the turmoil he was
feeling inside. Joel's brother, Benji, was a jock. Jocks scared Matt,
even if he sought them out for his punishments when he'd been
especially bad.

“ I need your

What was it with
people today? He didn't mind helping his family and was kind of used
to them coming to him but Joel? He wasn't a family member, he wasn't
even a friend. “Oh?”

“ I heard you're
having a party,” had Tony spread the story already? Matt could
hardly believe his ears, “I need you to invite me.”

Matt was quite certain
he'd heard wrong. “Pardon me?”

“ I need to go to
this party, Lovato!” Joel said with agitation.

“ ... right.
Fine. You're invited.”

Joel sighed, visibly
relaxing, “Great. Thanks, man. You're a life saver.”

“ Right...”
Matt watched Joel walk off. Why would Joel Madden want to go to his
party? What the hell was up with that?


“ Hey, Rangel.”

Jeremiah looked up,
and to his surprise none other than Matt Lovato was standing beside
him. “Er, hi Matt.” He responded. He knew Matt from years
back. They didn't really talk, but they weren't on bad terms either.
They just weren't friends. They hadn't clicked. Matt was too emo for
Jeremiah's taste. Who the fuck wore black eyeliner to school? Or
pants that painfully tight. Where the hell did he pack his equipment
in those pants? He was staring but didn't really realize it until
Matt started speaking again.

“ Listen, I'm
having a party Friday night. Come on over.”

Jeremiah stared at
Matt incredulously, “At your place?”

“ Yes.”

“ A party? You
want me to come to a party at your place?”

Matt stared at him a
long moment and Jeremiah felt his cheeks flushing, “Er, I mean.
Sure. I'll go. What time?”


//Friday, February

How did he get here?
One moment his week was the same as usual, next there were fifteen
people in his house, and seven jocks just strode in with Joel Madden.
Matt grabbed his jacket. He'd done his penance for the day. No way in
fuck was he sticking around for fucking jocks to torment him in his
own house. As he walked out he noticed Jeremiah and Tony in a corner.
Jeremiah looked annoyed and Tony had that fixed smile he got on his
face when he was trying too hard. Tony deserved it. After making Matt
hold this stupid party.

Matt hoped that Tony
bombed completely with Jeremiah, then cursed himself for thinking ill
of his own family. He dug his fingers into his arm as he hurried down
the street.

'He's family. You owe


“ Just one kiss.
Fuck, Miah, the only people here are bi or gay, they're not going to
run back to school and tell everyone.” Tony pleaded. As Joel
approached he noticed that Jeremiah was looking more and more pissed

“ Hey.”

“ Hey, Joel. Tell
Jeremiah to kiss me.” Tony grinned at Jeremiah, “Tell him
how good I am.”

Joel rolled his eyes,
crossing his arms. Yeah, Tony was a good kisser. Joel knew because he
had shared several snogging sessions with Tony a few years back. In
the end, though, Tony wasn't his type. “You seen Matt around?”

“ Nah.”

Joel was starting to
realize that even if Matt had been right behind him Tony wouldn't
have noticed. His attention was fixed on Jeremiah alone. “He
went out the back door about two hours ago.” Jeremiah said,
shooting Tony a dirty look. A look that Tony ignored completely.

“ Right. Thanks.”
Joel headed for the door. Halfway there he realized the guys he'd
come here with were gone. “Fuck.” He breathed, before he
broke out into a run. “FUCK!”


/A dangerous smirk
from the large one, “That's right, ratface. Beg. Beg for your
miserable little life.”//

He needed to be
punished, but he wasn't suicidal. He knew when they cornered him in
the alley that he was in trouble. This wasn't about punishment...
they intended to kill him. He screamed when the first hit landed. He
wasn't ashamed of it. He fought free, somehow, and ran. He didn't get
far. They hunted him down, and now here he lay. Desperately trying to
protect his head as they surrounded him, kicking. Over and over.
Would it stop? Was this his final punishment for daring to be born?
For a moment the world faded to black.

When things slid back
into focus he could hear yelling, and the kicking had stopped.

“ What the fuck
are you doing!?”

“ What we came
here to do! Teaching the little fag a lesson.”

“ You didn't say
jack shit about beating him! You fuckers!”

“ You were in on
this Madden, don't try to act innocent. You're the ones who got us
the fucking invite.”

“ I thought it
would be a prank, not a fucking lynch mob! What the fuck is wrong
with you? He's half your fucking size!”

“ He's a dirty
little faggot!”

“ And you're a
fucking coward!”

Matt could hear the
sound of flesh on flesh. The yelling was frenzied and so loud he was
having a hard time understanding what was being yelled any longer. He
curled up, careful not to move too much and pull attention back onto
himself. He listened to the fight, his brain trying to figure out who
had come to his rescue. The voice sounded familiar. Madden? Had the
guy said Madden?

He had just put the
pieces together in his rattled brain when the noise died down. The
sound of running feet made him wince. He waited for the blows to
start up again, but instead a careful hand touched his shoulder.

“ Don't worry,
Matthew. It's over now.”

Matt let out a soft
sigh. The voice wasn't lying. He let the darkness pull him down,
dimly aware of a voice frantically calling his name and begging him
not to die.

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