Summary: Benji and Tony are always ditching Joel and Matt.
Disclaimer: This isn't true and I don't own them.
Note: I wrote this ages ago (12/21/03) before I knew there was a Joel/Matt community or before one even existed, I think. I'm desperate for Joel/Matt so I figured I would post this here and maybe start writing Joel/Matt more often.
"We'll be back later."
And they slam the door on their way out, the sound of their feet on the steps quickly being drowned out by a thumping noise that sounds oddly like a back (or two) hitting the side of the tour bus. You sit there listening for a while, and then shake your head. Beside you, you feel him shift and you don't have to look to know that he's getting this all too appalled, I'm-an-offended-little-girl, look on his face and crossing his arms over his chest.
They're always ditching you. Always.
You were kind of reluctant to even agree to this tour, knowing that while you usually spent all of your time with your brother on tour, this one would be different. Because oh-dear-Jesus, Tony's around and any second wasted of time that Benji could be spending with Tony could be worthy of condemning him to hell. At first you were sad, then you felt betrayed. You always knew that something would come along to drive you and Benji apart, but you never thought it would be a guy. In a way this makes it worse for you, knowing you're being replaced in more ways than what you were planning for. Regardless of how strongly they lie, you know that Benji and Tony have this weird undying love for each other and that is ok. You we're never into being a prejudice bastard. What is not ok with you, is that Tony is fastly replacing you as Benji's best friend. His only. You do not like this. But you keep quiet.
He finally talks and you aren't so pissed anymore. "They're always ditching us."
No kidding. "I know, I hate those bitches."
He turns his head towards you and smiles. "Yeah, me too. What fuckers! What nerve!" And by now his entire body is facing towards you on the couch and he has shot a crumpled fist into the air, visually expressing his obvious 'anguish' over being stuck with you. Again. Alone.
While Benji and Tony are closelikethis, Paul and Billy are closerthanthis. And Chris is betterthanallofyou, so that leaves you all alone. By yourself. Replaced by Tony. And Matt can usually be found following Tony, and because of this Matt can almost always be found sitting on this couch, in your bus, when the aforementioned ditching takes place.
It's been said, but all you can really think to say is. "Mutherfuckers..." And you press it together like it's one word and throw about eight extra U sounds into the mix because, well, you're tough like that.
And somewhere along the line you turned your entire body so you were facing Matt as well. You're pretty sure it was when you saluted his 'dying fist of anguish'.
Knowing that he cannot top the emotional integrity of your tear drenched 'Mutherfuckers' he only sits there. And pretty soon five minutes have passed and you're both glancing towards non-existent watches and every now and then are balsy enough to stare down the door to the bus. Go on, open. Go on.
Last time Benji and Tony didn't come back at all. Or maybe they thought they came back, and then woke up freaked out when they realized they'd actually spent the entire night cuddling in nothing but towels in the Mest tour bus bathroom. Bathroom meaning closet with toilet. And the stories you heard from Nick and Jere were enough to traumatize you enough into never searching for them.
You wouldn't care if it was in the middle of the worst snow storm, hurricane, explosion of volcanic lava of the year - if half of what they told you was true, you'd probably doubt even sending a search party, because search parties need to keep sanity too. And you don't really care about that. You're fine sitting here.
You watch him as he makes a facial expression of 'Soooo...' and then as he puts into words what you've been thinking. "Yeah, well. How long do you think they'll be gone tonight?"
And you stop all movement to give him your best 'I-don't-know-not-really-interested' stare. And you let that hang there for a while, your chin kind of pushed out because you really are tough and you really don't give a shit about Benji and Tony and being a third wheel. Really, it doesn't matter. You're cool. It's not like you need a replacement either, because you're way more than too good for that.
He is equally serious in front of you, and the two of you sit there in silence -
Because you can be serious.
- for about five minutes.
"You are the mutherfucker Joel," and as soon as he uses your word, he blushes because no one (no one) can pull it off as good as you. But he repeats it anyway. "You are the mutherfucker."
"That didn't sound honest Matt," You say sarcastically, "I wasn't really feeling the hatred you were trying to get across there, I was getting more of a sexual repression feeling, it was really strong for me and -"
You aren't surprised when he gets the cushion of the couch that he is sitting on in a hitting position in minutes, and you are even more not surprised when he smacks you in the face with it so hard that pretty soon you're laying on the floor on your back. And he's yelling 'mutherfucker' over and over again and blushing because you said sexual. Oooh, sexual. You're laughing.
Thirty minutes later you're pressed up to him like a sardine in your bunk and you're pretty sure your boxers are still on the couch.
You're not laughing. At all.
"Well..." And his eyes are wide to the point of laughter, but this is not funny and you're not falling for that one. You're serious.
"...That was interesting."
He shifts beside you. "Uh, yeah. That was interesting." And then he kind of laughs nervously. "That was interesting twice."
And then you giggle, and it's over. Put a fork in you because you're pretty much done for forever and day, all hope is lost, might as well sit on that concrete hunk protruding from the tour bus wall (Some people call it a couch) every night from now on and wait for him because yeah...
The next night, Tony stumbles up the stairs with Matt hot on his trail and Benji takes one look at him and lunges from beside you towards the door and they barely even get out a good, "We'll be back later." And then with that damn back smashing on the bus, seriously, they're fooling no one. No one.
And he comes and sits next to you and gets this I'm-an-offended-little-girl look on his face but this time he smiles. He still crosses his arms.
You shrug. "They're always ditching us."
And he nods. "The mutherfuckers." His mutherfucker sounds perfect.
They are always ditching you.
You are slowly adjusting.