Rik (returnofwolf) wrote in joel_n_matt,
Rik
returnofwolf
joel_n_matt

The Sad Answer

I know this isn't exactly slash... but I figured this community wouldn't mind reading a piece like this...

Alright, I'm not sure why I felt compelled to write this, and I know it's not my best work in the least, but I hope it gets the message across...


The Sad Answer



I remember that day like it was yesterday. It wasn’t actually yesterday… I think it was two years ago, tomorrow. Wow. Has it really been that long? The memory sticks out like a sore thumb. I remember sore thumbs…

Anyway… So, two years ago, huh? The day started off normal enough; kids pointing and laughing, throwing papers at me, knocking over my books, nothing out of the ordinary.

First period, English. We discussed the oddities of E. E. Cummings. Someone made a comment about how this genius of a man was a dirty ‘freak’… just like me. I let it slide off my back. I always did. It’s the only way I got by in school.

Second period rolled around. Science Class. That would be when all the fun started. Varsity football captain came up to me and shoved me against the wall before our teacher came in. He told me I wasn’t worth the air I breathe. By the end of class I was scheduled to have my legs wrapped around my neck and hung by them. At least it would’ve made me more flexible.

Let’s skip to fifth period; Study Hall. I don’t remember the exact details, but I do know that I would have been much happier ‘studying the halls’ than going through what I did.

Sixth was lunch. There I got to sit with my one real friend. She was the only one that made me feel good about who I was. She cared about me too. So much that she let me stay with her when my parents found out why nobody liked me at school. Anyway, so that particular day at lunch I discovered what it felt like to use gravy as shampoo. Taken out of context, it’s really not as bad as it might sound, but put back into the situation, I was once again laughed into the bathroom. Bad move. Mr. Football-Star was in there. I was only glancing around the room, but unfortunately, our eyes met in the mirror. What he thought that random, short eye contact meant will be a mystery to me forever, but I do know what he intended to do to rectify it. My face was quickly smashed into the very mirror where I saw him. I think I fell to the floor and screeched in pain. I mean, there were now bunches of mirror shards jammed into my teenage skin.

That’s where I passed out, I believe. The next thing that I remember, I was in the nurse’s office, which is consequently directly next to the dean’s office, in which I heard the dean himself screaming his head off at the football captain.

I looked at my watch. I had three minutes left of that horrid school day. Being as I lived three blocks from the school, the nurse allowed my friend to walk me home to get rest in my bed until my mother came home from work.

We left after all the busses were out of sight. I didn’t want any extra bashes that day. Just out of the ‘safe-haven’ of the school was out of reach, we ran into none other than the entire football team and their beloved captain. They yelled something about getting him in trouble and how they were gonna get me for it.

My friend angrily explained to them that there was a restraining order requested, so the captain was legally unable to come within one hundred feet of me. I winked and blew him a kiss just to rub it in his face. Bad move number two.

He screamed some crap about forgetting the law and called me a lot of obscene names. Then came the worst part. A bunch of the other guys quickly grabbed my friend as she screamed for me to run. He chased me for blocks. I got so scared that I forgot where I was going. I got very lost. Somehow I ended up in an abandoned parking lot surrounded by trees and overgrowth. I tripped on a root. Football boy caught up to me.

This part is going to be hard to retell. I don’t remember all of it. I do, however, remember what it felt like. I tried to scramble up. He grabbed me by the shirt and threw me back to the ground. He jumped on top of me and took down the fly on his jeans. I was screaming by this point, but he was so huge, I couldn’t move anything. He took it out of his pants and smeared it all over my face yelling if I liked it. Tears were streaming down my face and I forced my eyes to stay closed.

He stopped yelling for a little while, and shifted his weight on me, but otherwise became still. Then it crashed into my face. He angrily screamed that if I didn’t want it soft, maybe something rock solid would do. I could taste the blood in my mouth and my right eye was searing with pain. Then it hit again. And again. And again. I had never felt that kind of pain before. There was not blood coming from all over my face, trickling in little rivers cascading across my skin.

He got off of me after another couple hits. I was oddly still conscious, but I didn’t dare move. I hoped he thought he was through, and had run off. I was wrong. I heard his footsteps return to my bloody, nearly lifeless body. Before I knew what was happening next I was vomiting whatever I was able to force down at lunchtime because of the immense amount of force that had been applied to my stomach region. The object with which he was hitting me with struck twice more before there was another pause.

I felt the shadow loom over me. His legs must have been straddling my body. I only remember one thing after that. That one thing was the feeling of a steel pipe shattering my skull and spewing my grey matter all over the parking lot.

And that was it. It was about two days before they were able to find and identify my body. My friend was physically fine, but had to be hospitalized for about a week after for shock. But now she’s here, staring down at me. She comes once a month, and on the anniversary days she brings a dozen white roses. I watch her cry every time she looks at the stone too. She cries out asking why this happened, and why him, and why then.

The sad thing is the answer I have to give her every time…




“Because I was gay.”





This was written to push a little awareness of the horrid hate crimes that take place in our schools, work places, and even walking down the street. I know this doesn't happen as brutally everywhere as how I described, but I think you all get the idea. And I wrote it with the finishing line saying 'gay', because that's the subject that most closely applies to me, but any discriminatory word, like a race or another sexual preference or a physical deformity, can be substituted and it still hold the same message: Hate is dumb and all it leads to is pain and suffering. I urge everyone to fight against hate of all kinds. A world of peace and harmony is only far from possible if we keep our hearts closed and hateful. Thank you.


-Z
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  • 3 comments
as the moderator of this little community i am so glad you posted this. i nearly cried. it was so beautifully written and so sadly true.
Thank you...

I have to admit, I was about to read your comment as 'as the moderator i'm gonna have to say this isn't part of the community's topic' an i got scared... but i'm glad i read the whole thing first!

-Z
Wow, that really touched me.. It was great I nearly cried... I'm glad you posted that and hope it has changed the thoughts of people who bully people because of their sexuality.